Coming Face to Face with God’s Grace and Glory || Personal

I am a little bit ashamed to admit that I’ve felt like Jesus has been calling me to do this since high school. Although, in high school it would have taken the form of a book because as much as I don’t want to face it, blogs didn’t exist that long ago. It’s a little bit easier nowadays to let your voice be heard. I don’t have to worry about editors and publishers and all of the above. I just write what I want to write and hit the publish button. It’s been so very awesome to see how God has used my blog as a platform to shout His name and to grow my business. I want there to be no mistake that it is a blessing poured out by Christ that I get to do what I love full time. So, friends, here I am to shout His name again as I share very real Jesus stories. The sad part is that I’ve had stories like these to share since high school, and for months after they happened I would rave to all my friends about them. I thought to myself, “I will NEVER forget this one! There’s no way.” Guess where we are now. Forgotten. This is going to be an ongoing post. Obviously, God is continuing to reveal Himself to me daily through all sorts of things, and I don’t want this post to stop here. So, let’s get started.

There are a lot of stories below about my dad. I’m not trying to be morbid or anything. In fact, this is a place to come for encouragement, but the fact of my life is that when I’m going through a tragedy, I feel closer to God than any other time. I am acutely aware of every single way He is working in my life because I’m clinging to Him for every single breath. As time goes by, you’ll see different topics and different areas of my life that God is working in. For now, it’s pretty much babies and my dad’s death, but stay with me as I grow this list of miracles. Anytime there is a new story, I will reshare this post so you can come check it out if you’d like. The first story will be the most recent. As you go through each story, the oldest one will be last on the list so that the new one is always at the top, and you don’t have to dig through all the old ones to get to it.

1. This story is about one of the biggest health scares I’ve had in my life so far. Thank heavens the Lord was in control. The Saturday before last on April 29th, 2023 I got out of bed to get ready for the wedding I was shooting that day and immediately fell over with extreme dizziness. I thought maybe I just got out of bed too fast, so I tried walking a few more steps and had to brace myself against the wall. I blinked hard and tried focusing on something stationary in front of me. But I just couldn’t get the room to stop spinning. I made my way back to the bed and told me husband that something was really wrong. I was so dizzy and felt like I was going to throw up. My mouth was so dry and I was starting to drip from a cold sweat that was quickly developing. My hands were shaking, my legs were so weak and shaky, I felt like death. I kept repeating to Dustin “Something is really wrong. Somethings wrong with me. Babe, I’m really scared… something is bad wrong.”
    
   I asked him to google all the symptoms happening and see if it could be my blood sugar. It seemed like maybe that could be it. The internet recommended bananas and citrus fruits. I forced myself to eat some and waited the 30 minutes it promised I would feel better and nothing changed. I kept gagging over the toilet trying not to throw up. All I could think is it’s not 8am and I am supposed to leave my house for my wedding at 9:30. Symptoms have not gotten even a little bit milder. In fact, at 8:15 I ended up throwing up everything on my stomach. I finally called the express clinic and scheduled their first available appointment at 9:15am. I then called my second shooter, Alaina, who is rightly still asleep with her “do not disturb” on. It went straight to voicemail. I called her sister who also happened to be the lead coordinator for the wedding we were shooting that day and told her what was happening. I asked if she could try and get ahold of Alaina, which she immediately did, and I got to talk to her 10 minutes later. I also let her know what was happening and asked if there was any way she could get to the wedding 3 hours early and be the lead shooter. She is amazing and did not even hesitate to say yes. We decided that we would both start texting every second shooter possible to find someone to assist her for the day. Not even 3 minutes later, she found Kandace with KLY Photography who was willing to drop whatever she had going on that day to serve my couple so selflessly. I called the venue coordinators at Castleton and let them know what was happening. They were both so gracious. My wedding was taken care of. I could breathe a little easier.
    
   Next I had to tell my church that I would not be able to photograph the baby dedication that I had promised to Sunday April 30th at the 9:30 service. They, of course, were so understanding and I wasn’t there but I’m hoping they ended up finding someone to replace me. Church was taken care of. I could breathe a little easier.
    
   Then I was supposed to be at a open house in Andersonville at a new venue that has so graciously featured me as one of the two photographers on their preferred vendor list. I was set up to take photos of the whole venue before the open house began. Photos of each booth with the respective vendor. Photos of a bride dressed up and walking around the property. Photos of a grand ribbon cutting event just before it began and even some photos throughout the open house. Additionally, I had my own booth to set up there and there was just no way I was going to be able to do any of it. I called Lori with Now & Forever Floral Design who is also The Loyston venue manager and told her what was happening. She was the first one I had talked to that said “Honey, it sounds like you have classic vertigo. My daughter has that and she does the Epley Maneuver and it’s like an immediate fix. You need your doctor to do it to you the first time though… so just go to the doctor and keep me posted”. Sunday’s open house taken care of and maybe a little glimpse into what this may be and that there may in fact be a quick fix to this terrible feeling. I could breathe a little easier.
    
   Now I needed to get someone to my house to watch my kids so Dustin could drive me to this express clinic appointment where I would hopefully get diagnosed with Vertigo, someone would do the Epley maneuver and I may just be able to come back home, get ready for my wedding and make it for their first look. ha. little did I know. I got ahold of my mom who dropped everything she had for the day to come be with my children at our house literally all day long. Thanks mom. I could breathe a little easier.
    
   All phone calls made, children are taken care of, all work things communicated and relieved, approximately 1000 gallons of water chugged in that time, one massive throw up, a very clumsy moment of trying to get dressed, and the slowest walk out to the car as the world spun around me and I tried not throwing up in dustin’s car as we drove 1 mile down the road to the express clinic.
    
   This precious nurse was so tender and sweet. She took my blood pressure, didn’t tell me what it was so I’m guessing it was terrible. She took my oxygen which was at 91. I explained my symptoms and she looked so concerned. The nurse practitioner came in, asked me a few questions, checked my ears, my throat, asked about my medical history, and decided to first rule out strep, covid, and flu. All negative. She then did an EKG on me to make sure I wasn’t having a heart attack. She then asked me about things that made me more dizzy or less dizzy. At this point, if I could remain very still and stair at something stationary in front of me, I could manage to get the spinning down to a minimal disruption. My nausea wasn’t as bad, although still there. She explained to me that there was no way this was vertigo because I would never have relief. She asked if I could lay down. I told her that getting to the down position was hard and coming up from the down position was REALLY hard, but if I got down and didn’t move, I was fine. She proceeded to explain how vertigo was at it’s WORST when you laid down and there’s no way it could be vertigo because of that. She also explained how normally vertigo is just in 50+ year olds and I was far too young for this to be vertigo. She sat me up and told me that they have done everything they can and she didn’t want to scare me, but my melanoma could have metastasized in my brain and she thought it very urgent for me to go straight to the ER. I knew I had to go but I was in a bit of a denial and asked if she could give me any medicine for the dizziness or nausea. She prescribed me Meclizine, Sudafed, and a nasal spray.
    
   We got back to the car and Dustin looked over at me and said “I guess we should go to the hospital then huh?” I looked slowly over at him with tears streaming down my cheeks and said “I guess… I just don’t want to know what they are going to say.” He put the car in park and prayed over me in that moment. I was so scared.
    
   We decided to go home before we went to the hospital. I went straight up stairs and hugged my babies so tight and wept. All I could think was what if I have brain cancer and my babies won’t have me any longer and I don’t get to hug them like this again, with my whole body?? I know now how dramatic I was being but in the moment it felt like the only diagnosis we hadn’t ruled out already HAD to be something as terrible as brain cancer, a tumor, or a stroke.
    
   Dustin tried to get me to eat some toast but I literally took one bite and could not possibly swallow it. We filled my water bottle and headed to Fort Sanders. We discussed where we should go and the only thing I had ever been to Fort Sanders for was to photograph a fresh 48 session. I remember it being surprisingly nice and new inside and it was close by, so we went there. There were two other people in the waiting area… that’s a good sign. I check in, tell them my symptoms, they take all of my stats, get an IV placed, and I get placed in a room within an hour. My nurse, who is probably in her mid 20’s comes in and begins chatting with me. I tell her about the express clinic and what they tested me for. I told her all of my negative tests, my normal EKG and how this couldn’t be vertigo because of all the things that weren’t happening to me. She looks at me and says “I wouldn’t rule out vertigo yet. I actually have vertigo myself and I find relief when I lay down and I’m also not 50, so it’s still possible this could be vertigo”. Jordan was her name and I can’t tell you the relief she gave me in that very first interaction we had. Five minutes later I was taken back for a CT. It went great and 30 minutes later the ER doctor was in my room and saying how my CT showed something suspicious and they wanted to do another CT scan with contrast to double check that area. 15 minutes later I was taken back for another CT with contrast and about 2 hours later, the ER doc came back in and with a lot of words basically told me that my CT was fine. There was no way to prove that this was vertigo because there’s no way for him to see that deep into my inner ear but he genuinely thought it was peripheral vertigo. He recommended I take a Meclizine and wait for about 30 minutes to see if it helps and if it does, it’s safe to say I have vertigo and if it doesn’t, we may want to do an MRI. I took one of the pills and waited for an hour. I didn’t necessarily feel any better but at this point we were ready to go, I felt that the CT would have shown the scary thing if it was there, and I had come around to the fact that despite the opinion of the express clinic nurse practitioner, I did actually have vertigo. We asked to be discharged and got home around 6:30pm.
    
   While I couldn’t really eat, my nausea wasn’t nearly as bad and I was now able to walk without holding onto the wall. My symptoms were microscopically getting better throughout the day and this day was still April 29th, 2023. I went to bed at 7:30pm that night and slept hard all night long.
    
   Sunday morning I began to talk to people more and tell them what was happening and I realized just how many people deal with vertigo in their every day life. Almost every single one of them have only found relief through this Epley maneuver. I had asked everyone I came into contact with to do this to me and no one felt comfortable doing it. Apparently physical therapists are the ones who do this maneuver most commonly and everyone I was crossing paths with this horrible diagnosis told me I needed to get in with a balance clinic. I called one on Sunday but of course they were closed. I left a message and called again first thing Monday morning. The one I was initially recommended to was the UT Balance & Hearing clinic. They wouldn’t be able to see me until May 26th. That was not an option. They recommended me to the Halls clinic, they couldn’t see me until May 18th. Also, not an option. They recommended me to the Hardin Valley location, they could see me the next morning at 8am. BINGO. But they needed a doctor’s referral. Which I didn’t have because I saw an ER doctor and an express clinic, neither of which gave me a PT referral. I call both of them leaving messages to PLEASE give me the referral I need to get the care I need. Crickets. I call my general doctor in hopes that he’ll just give me the referral. In chatting with his nurse she says, “he’s probably going to need to see you first” and I beg and plead with her… “this balance clinic doesn’t have another opening, can he see me today? Please, I have to get this handled… I have another wedding this weekend.” She says she’ll ask but she doubts he’ll give me one without seeing me and schedules me at his first available appointment that week which is Thursday May 4th. An hour later she calls me back and tells me he patched the referral through and he’ll see me Thursday. THANK YOU JESUS. 
    
   If I rank my symptoms as a 10 being the worst they ever were Saturday morning when I woke up and a 1 being no symptoms at all, Monday I was at about a 5. Gradually getting better but still terrible. I was taking naps during the day and going to sleep at 8pm at night and sleeping all night long. The amount of effort it took to just look at something and see it in focus. Or sit up without falling over or take a step without holding onto something was exhausting. I have always been a light sleeper and for the most part am always the first to wake up to the kids midnight wakings. But at this point, I was sleeping through any noise any child made because of just how exhausted I was and my poor, sweet husband was waking up with every kid all night long every single night. It began to wear him down and he actually began getting a head cold.
    
   Tuesday morning comes and I am excitedly going to my PT appointment at 8am in the morning. Dustin is driving me, my mom is taking the kids to school, and I am about to be fixed… I just know it. The physical therapist tells me about the Epley Maneuver. It’s the strangest most bizarre thing ever. They turn your head in this certain direction, lay you back very quickly, and if the room starts spinning and your eyes start twitching in this one direction it tells them the crystals in your ears are out of balance and need to be put back into place. You proceed through the rest of the maneuver to put them back into place. Then you do that side again to see if they are, in fact, back into place. Then you do the other ear. My left ear was the imbalanced one, which ironically is also where the CT scan showed I had a little bit of sinusitis at the ER. She did it to my right ear and nothing happened. Did it to my left ear again and nothing happened. The rest of the day I wasn’t allowed to move my head. I needed to sleep in the upright position and not lay on my left side at all. I left that with my dizziness at about a 2. The whole day felt wonderful. I thought, this is it. I’m fixed. The PT mentioned some residual dizziness but it should go away after a couple days.
    
   When I woke up Wednesday morning, I was back at a 4. Ugh. I felt so discouraged. However, I did realize that I was able to start driving this day and no longer had to be ushered around town like a little old lady. So that was kind of nice.
    
   Thursday I woke up and was back at a 3. I went to my general doctor’s appointment and run through all the things I’ve done, been tested for, all the rollercoaster of emotions and symptoms. I tell him about the Meclizine and how I don’t even know if it helps enough to take me down a number on the scale I’ve been referencing this whole post. He proceeds to tell me about this teensy weensy sinus canal in the very middle of your head that is super hard to see on a CT scan and is the size of a pea. He says it doesn’t take much for that little canal to fill with mucus and if it does, it’s very hard to drain and often will become infected. He thought when he looked at my CT scans that it showed a little inflammation in that tiny little canal and if I wanted he could give me an antibiotic for a sinus infection to see if it would help. He didn’t know if it would or if it was even worth trying but wanted me to have the option. He also told me to keep doing the Epley maneuver as many times as I wanted every day all day long and it’ll help the symptoms get better and better. I didn’t realize it could still be helpful to me once the crystals were back in place. I left that appointment and waited for my meds to be filled at the pharmacy. In the mean time I had to take memory cards back to Alaina from Saturday’s wedding, take hazel to gymnastics, get straight over to the ball field to watch Grayson’s baseball game, then rush home for a call with a bride immediately after. The meds were filled around 6pm but at the point of the day I was able to pick them up, the pharmacy was closed. Crap.
    
   Friday I took Grayson to school and got to chat with one of the teachers there. She told me about her little bout with vertigo and how she did the Epley maneuver every day, mulitiple times a day and that it’s what enabled her to get all the way back to normal. I went immediately home and did it to myself two times on my left side. Ugh. It did not help. I was back at a 6… feeling worse than I had since the morning after the hospital. I took Evelyn and Hazel to the grocery store because we were completely out of anything food related in our home. On our way back I remembered I needed to get my meds and thankfully they were ready and waiting on me. It was SUCH a hard trip that when I got home I dropped to my knees weeping and started begging God to fix me. I had a rehearsal dinner that night, a wedding the next day, and I was getting WORSE not better. I took the first dose of my antibiotic and began putting the groceries away. I fixed the kids lunch and went to pick up Grayson. I was so tired but got up and took a shower while Evie napped to prep for my rehearsal dinner that night. I got out, ate lunch, and took my second dose of my medicine. An hour later I began to do my hair and noticed that my dizziness was all of a sudden down to a 2. I went to the rehearsal dinner at 7pm and could barely notice the dizziness at all. It wasn’t until it got dark that I noticed a little bit but more like a 2.5 instead of back up to a 5.
    
   I came home that night and finished off my medicine and woke up Saturday morning with absolutely no dizziness at all. Praise Jesus. Just in time… literally.
    
   So why is this a Jesus story?? I want to just blatantly spell it out for you guys because it’s so evident that He was going before me with all of this!
    
   1. When I needed to get ahold of Alaina on that very first day and it went straight to her voicemail. What are the chances that her sister is the coordinator for the wedding that day? What are the chances that I even know her sister or anyone in her family? In any other case… with any other second shooter… I would have no other way to get in touch with her. I don’t know any of my other shooter’s family members. None of my other shooter’s have family in the industry. But the person I HAPPENED to have lined up that day also HAPPENED to be sisters with the lead coordinator for the wedding and would have the ability to get through to her to wake her up early and get her to my wedding on time.
   2. Alaina is my go to associate. If I ever have an associate need come up, I always reach out to her first. Of all the people I have associate shoot for me, Alaina and I shoot the most similar. Because she was my second shooter for this day, she was already reserved and had availability to step in for me.
   3. Alaina was my second shooter the weekend before on April 22, 2023 at Castleton for another wedding who had their ceremony in the same location as the April 29, 2023 wedding. This ceremony location is very rarely chosen in the weddings that I shoot at Castleton. She literally got to see me shoot a wedding the weekend before at the same venue, at the same ceremony location, with the same color bridesmaids dresses, and very similar lighting with the sun. First hand examples of how I would shoot that day and she did amazing at stepping in and shooting Bridget and Michael’s wedding on April 29th exactly how I would have done it!
   4. The second shooter she found was someone that she’s worked with before and loves. Alaina and I do not use the same second shooters… but Kandace with KLY Photography is actually on my schedule to second shoot for me later this year for the first time because I saw her work and thought it was amazing and like we had a similar styles. So she found someone that she was already comfortable working with and already knew how each other worked but also someone that I was already comfortable with hiring since I have technically hired her already for an upcoming wedding.
   5. The open house on Sunday reached out to the other photographer who had a booth at there and asked if they could fill in for me to shoot the whole pre-open house events and they could! It required them to arrive a couple hours earlier than planned a lot more time editing, but they made the sacrifice on their end and were also able to step in when I couldn’t. 
   6. About a month before the open house, I stayed up super late several nights in a row designing a book that I would hand out at the open house. I made the book a “get to know Amanda May” title. When I was all done and about to order them, I had the thought that it was kind of pointless because I would be there in person and they could just “get to know me” by talking to me, but I had already spent all these hours designing this… I would just go ahead and print them. Come time for the open house, my dizziness had backed off enough that Dustin was able to drive me up to the venue before it started for me to just set up my table. This was Lori’s idea (the venue manager) and she welcomed me to do this even though I couldn’t stay and participate throughout the event. I got out my books and it all clicked. This is why the Lord set my heart on making these books. He already knew I wouldn’t be able to physically be there myself and it would be a great resource for potential couples to get to know me better.
   7. Fast forward to the fact that my nurse at the hospital also had vertigo at such a young age and gave me so much wisdom that she had gained while she was also trying to figure out the nuances of living with Vertigo.
   8. Then the fact that my general doctor gave me a referral without seeing me so I could get some immediate relief. I can confidently say that it is not normal for doctors to do this and I am SO thankful that he did.
   9. I am so incredibly thankful for the week following this insanity. It was the only week that I have had since March and is the only week that I have until July that I am not just jam packed full of sessions and events and birthdays and all. the. things. I didn’t have anything on the agenda last week until Friday night at the rehearsal dinner. I was able to work on my computer for the most part, take naps when I needed too, go to bed early, and just do lots and lots of resting. Dustin was in a position at his job that he was also able to be flexible and drive me to the doctor appointments and be home to pick up the kids from school in the afternoon. At no other point this spring would it have been this easy. Between points 1-4 and this one, the timing of it all could not have been more flexible. Granted, it could have happened in the off season when I was barely shooting at all and no weddings on the weekends, however, where would that have left room for God to be so evident?
   10. Finally, I almost didn’t go to my general doctor appointment on Thursday that week. He had already given me the referral to the PT, they had already gotten the crystals back into place, I just had to wait now. I had the thought that he would be where I would get more Meclizine from though if I needed it so I better go just to get that on his radar. But ultimately, that appointment is where I figured out just exactly what had caused this. Although he was guessing and didn’t know for sure himself, he was the first and only to see this tiny sinus canal on the CT scan and that it could be barely inflamed which could potentially be pushing on my inner ear and throwing all this off balance. He was the only one that was up for me even trying an antibiotic and he even gave me a refill so that if this happens again, I could automatically start the antibiotic immediately. I am SO stinking thankful that he took the time to look at my CT scan. That the Lord gave him eyes to see what he needed to see to treat me how he thought I needed to be treated. I’m just so thankful that this filling of being in a fish bowl is not permanent.
   So there are the ways that I saw and felt God in control of this situation. I’m sure there will be some that read this and think it was all just coincidence. But I’m telling you friends, Jesus hears our cries and he intercedes to the Father on our behalf. He loves us and cares for us. Although he may not always provide healing or restoration as quickly as we want it or at all while we were on Earth, you can trust him that there is a greater purpose to your suffering. He will bring redemption in one fashion or another and you can trust Him.
    
   Thank you for reading this incredibly long story. If there was even one person to find hope in this, it was worth the hours I spent typing all of this up.
2. I love when I get to add stories to this post. This time I’m coming to you with a story about Amanda May Photos (AMP). At the beginning of 2021, after a crazy 2020 year of postponements and scary thoughts of will the wedding industry survive this, I started asking God if this was still the path He wanted me on. In 2013 when I started to feel the pull to go full time with wedding photography, I knew it was the Lord tugging on those heartstrings. When I finally, and begrudgingly pulled the trigger on that dream in 2015, I had infinite peace that could only be described as being from the Holy Spirit about that decision. Doors kept opening for Amanda May Photos and in 2016 when I prayed for opportunities to serve other ministries, He brought not one, not two, but four other ministries straight to me to serve. One of which I’m still serving to this day. There have been so many blessings, so many confirmations, and so much affirmation that this is right where He wanted me. For 6 years, I put my head down and worked. I grew this little business baby and loved every second of it. And then in January 2021, as I was reflecting over 2020, making goals for 2021, it dawned on me… have I missed something?? I’ve been so focused on AMP with blinders on that I so easily could have missed it if God had started calling me to something else. I didn’t want to leave… I love my job. It’s literally a dream and something that I prayed for since I was in high school… literally, there’s a newspaper article where I talked about wanting to become a professional photographer when I grew up. But if the Lord wanted me somewhere else, I pray that I would have the courage to listen to Him, trusting that His plan is greater than mine. So in January 2021, I just asked him. Am I still where you want me?? A couple days prior to this prayer, a photographer friend of mine reached out to me about if there were any positions open with AMP. Her husband had just lost his job and even though he had found another one, it was a significant pay cut and they were definitely going to need supplemental income. At the time, I didn’t know that I was going to desperately need her. But at that point, I didn’t have any openings and no room in the budget to add someone else to the team. Just a couple days later, one of my editors that has been with me since the beginning text me telling me that her little boy had relapsed with leukemia. There was no way she was going to be able to edit for me as they were about to have to move across the state for treatments. As I prayed for her and her family, I realized God’s provision before I even knew I needed it. 2021 had double the amount of weddings that I consider my sweet spot. I love shooting 20-25 weddings per year and 2021 had 39. Not to mention I had taken on triple the amount of portraits that I typically take AND I was about to find out I was pregnant. I also had no idea how much my kids were going to get sick this year and not be able to go to their preschool program, which meant I wouldn’t have nearly as many days to keep the to do list manageable as I normally would have had. Thank you Lord for going before me. I was so excited to text my friend back and let her know that I did actually have a position and I needed it just as much as her family needed it! I already started feeling the Lord answering my question Am I still where you want me? As the year went on, I started screenshoting all of the love notes I was getting from clients. Every text, every email, every handwritten letter… kept them all. On days that I was starting to feel overwhelmed with the workload I took on for the year, I would scroll through these love notes and they would give me a boost of motivation. A reminder that I’m serving the Lord with this job and to push through the heavy list. I started seeing a trend in these love letters though. It seemed more often than not, these couples were writing about how they could see God working through me. They felt God’s presence in Amanda May Photos. The blessing that my work gave them or the peacefullness and light that came with me on their wedding day. The prayer was more than answered and I believe that God is still calling me to wedding photography. I am thankful and excited for that and my encouragement to you is that if you are questioning your placement, just ask Him. But if you have the courage to ask, make sure you have the courage to listen. You may be called to something else you don’t want to do. Something else that makes you uncomfortable or moves you away from your loved ones. Or you may not, but be prepared for anything because our God is always doing cool, unexpected things!
3. This is not my story, but I was so powerfully moved by this that I had to add it here. I have gotten permission to share this testimony from my dear friend who I am going to refer to as Sarah for anonymity’s sake. My friend’s sister-n-law died very unexpectedly a couple months ago. It was an overdose on some pretty serious drugs when no one knew that she had ever even tried drugs. She owned a gym. She was SUPER physically fit and a complete health nut when it came to what she put in her body. But whether it was purposeful or an accident, the pain was deep and it was real for the sweet husband she left behind. Over the next couple weeks I kept in touch with my friend. They were going back and forth daily on whether it was suicide or not and the anxiety that the unknown was causing was getting worse. A feeling that I am all too familiar with after my dad committed suicide. You can read more about that in #4 below (which will change as I add more stories to this, but for now this is #1 and that story is #4). But my cousin encouraged me to pray for a letter from my dad. To pray for answers and peace. To ask God specifically for those things. I remember thinking how ridiculous it sounded to ask God to send me a letter from my dead dad. But He did you guys. In the most unexpected way… so as I’m texting with Sarah, I encourage her to do the same thing. Just ask Him. Ask him for the crazy, impossible things. Watch Him pull through in the weirdest way that can only be explained by a supernatural act by the Creator of the Universe. My friend Sarah stays tuned in to my blog posts and was familiar with the story of my dad. She recalled it and thanked me for the advice as she began specifically praying for the unknown to be revealed to her brother, her own family, and her sister-n-law’s family. And then… you guys… it happened. The coolest most unpredictable thing happened. Her brother went back to the home where he found his wife overdosed and there was a letter to him in the mailbox from her. She mailed it the week after Christmas per the postmark and this was at the end of January that he was just getting it. They were husband and wife you guys. They lived together. If she had a letter for him why in the world would she mail it to her own house??? Why wouldn’t she just walk over and give it to her husband? Jesus. Jesus is why. Jesus already knew what was going to happen. He knew that there would need to be a letter to help explain the unknown and the letter needed to be a month later. And in the letter were a lot of answers for them. Answers about how happy she was and how in love with her husband she was. How healthy she was feeling and how she had all these goals in mind for their marriage that year. It was no suicide. It was not the crazed desperation to get away from all the people that love her most and to purposefully leave them high and dry… it was an accident. And if you have never felt the feeling of abandonment, when someone you love commits suicide, it is the ultimate feeling of abandonment. But her husband did not need to feel that way. It was truly an accident. She did love him. She did want to be with him. She did want to live. What clarity a letter like that brought to this sweet family in their deepest of grief. I am so thankful that we serve a God who pays attention to the little details. Who whispers a month in advance in a woman’s ear to write a sweet letter to her husband and mail it to her own address where it would divinely get “lost” in the mail until a month later when it would be delivered to a heartbroken husband to redeem some of the pain that he was feeling over the loss of his wife. That, my friends, is a God who cares. Who knows every single hair on your head. Knows every single flaw and sin and negative thought and who loves you unconditionally. He isn’t waiting to love us until we love Him back or pray to Him every single day or “get our act together” or stop sinning or stop cursing or become a member at a church or wake up at 5am to read our bible every day… He loves us now. Wholey. Entirely. Purely. Unconditionally. And when we feel that love in the depths of our souls. When we embrace it and start putting Him first… that is when he will start changing those areas of our lives where we feel like we have to “clean up” before we can come to him. Forget that nonsense. Just come to him first. Bring all that garbage with you because He would love to help you lay it down.
4. I am now 38 weeks pregnant with baby Hazel. My due date based on the first day of my last period is July 29th. And I may have put this in the post below, but at my first ultrasound, they measured Hazel and thought that her due date may be July 24th… which is my dad’s birthday. But since the two dates were just 5 days apart, they just left my file stating the July 29th due date. You have to know that for this story to come full circle. Also, when I suggested Hazel as a girl name to Dustin, I did so because a) I love that name, b) it goes really well with May as the middle name – which is a family name that has been passed through generations of women on my mom’s side of the family, and c) because I wanted a remembrance of my dad, who had Hazel eyes that I LOVED, but I didn’t want to name my child after him directly. That sounds harsh, but when you get into the business of naming after your parents, you fall into this trap of trying to incorporate every parent in some way so no one feels less special or left out. But I always adored his hazel eyes and even growing up I used to say that I wanted hazel eyes like my dad’s and hazel was even my “favorite color” for a little while because I just thought it was the color of his eyes and they were so pretty. So the name hazel was a subtle membrance of my dad without being so obvious that everyone would know. Then as we started telling our family the name we decided on, we found out that Dustin and I both had Hazel’s in our ancestors, so that just confirmed it for us… Hazel May would be our baby girl’s name. (Also, you should know that before we knew Gray was a boy, we decided on Evelyn and both of us were set on that being our girl name, so the fact that we even thought to change it was strange). And throughout this entire pregnancy, I have had a strong inkling that Hazel would be born on dad’s birthday, July 24th, my due date according to my measuring. Just a little reminder from God that he cares about every single tiny detail and He knows how much I wish my dad were here for Gray and Hazel to know him. So anywho, this past weekend was my birthday (July 14th) which fell on a Sunday. So we went to church like normal. We picked a row in the same area that we always do and there was a girl sitting at the opposite end of our row. Half way through the first worship song she moved and shortly after three people came and filled her spot. The one closest to me was a woman I had never met, the middle person was this woman named Ashley that my dad introduced me to (because he knew her through the Lenoir City car auction) when he visited our church that one single time right before he died, and the third person was Ashley’s husband. Since dad’s death, Ashley and I have kept in touch and talk when we see each other on Sundays, but the only reason we even know to talk is because my dad introduced us that one time. Anyways, the third song they played during worship was What a Beautiful Name by Hillsong… you know, the one that I sang with my dad as he prayed over Grayson for me 2.5 weeks before he died… yeah, that one. That song played the only time my dad has ever visited my church when I was 38 weeks pregnant with Grayson. During that song, he leaned over and put his hands on my belly, the only time he EVER touched my baby bump throughout my entire pregnancy, and prayed for mine and Grayson’s safety. Now I’m 38 weeks with Hazel and there’s the song… in the same church, in the same seats, and I close my eyes with my hands out and feel the Holy Spirit so close to my heart. I wouldn’t say that I heard an audible voice… I mean, we were in the middle of loud worship, but I felt it in my soul say “your baby girl is coming on July 24th… I’m giving that to you and I’m in control and I know how bad you want that” and I lost it you guys. My dad always called me his “baby girl” and he said it in this very specific way and when I felt those words speak to my soul, it was in that same tone inflection and I just knew it was my daddy. I was bawling in Dustin’s armpit as he held me and I felt this hand touch my shoulder. I didn’t look to see who it was because I was a blubbering mess, but I had a feeling it was the lady sitting beside me… the one I had never met. Fast forward to the end of the service and the lady leans over to ask if she can pray for me (because she just witnessed me weaping into Dustin’s arms during worship). I told her about that song being a sweet and fond memory with my dad right before he died and that today was my birthday and I just felt like God gave me a little birthday gift on behalf of my dad. And the lady proceeded to ask when my due date was. I told her technically it was July 29th and she stopped and said “OMG that’s my birthday!!” and then I told her that my induction was scheduled for the 25th, but I thought Hazel was going to come on her own on the 24th because the 24th was my dad’s birthday and I just have this weird feeling about it… and she says “well, if you need anything at all, I’m Ashley’s small group leader and I would love to pray for you”. So this random woman who happens to sit next to me shares a birthday with my daughter’s technical due date AND she’s the small group leader of a woman that I only know because of my dad. Weird. When we left church and I told Dustin all of it. The words I felt in my soul, the conversation with the woman next to me, and I swore up and down to him that I just knew Hazel is going to come on the 24th, I just feel it in my bones. Now, fast forward to today and I had my last doctor appointment for Hazel before my induction date.  I see a team of midwives and the one that I am talking to this morning checks on how I’m feeling and asks if I have any questions. I checked my phone and there were no questions in my notes. We are about to end the appointment and then I remembered… Oh, actually, with Grayson I came in for my induction at midnight, but this time I’m coming in at 4:30am. Will I get the cervical pill at 4:30 then or how does that work now that we are at UT? And she says “Oh Yeah, I guess we should go over that! It looks a little different this time around because we are at UT instead of St. Mary’s… so actually, why don’t you schedule an appointment to come back here for one more office visit on the 24th and we will put in a folly balloon (no clue if that’s how you spell it) to help your cervix start thinning before you go in for the induction on Thursday morning” and my heart literally skipped a beat. See, with Grayson, I got my cervical thinning thingy in the very first few minutes of March 1st… I’m talking like, 12:15 am. And by 8am I was having severe contractions and was about 4cm. My water broke soon after and I never had to have pitossin. So now… with my second… I’m thinking that this balloon thing might just be enough to send me into natural labor on the 24th. Now, I’m writing all of this 6 days before July 24th. I have no clue if she’s actually going to be born on the 24th, but the fact that all of these tiny little things have happened and I feel the Holy Spirit continuing to work through this little bebe… I had to share this regardless of what the outcome is. There are 365 days in a year and the fact that Hazel could even potentially safely come on her own the one day that would be shared with my dad is insane to me and enough to credit the God of the universe just at that… but if this does happen the way that I really think it’s going to happen… my jaw is going to be dropped so hard that it might bust a hole in the floor. Jesus stories just get my blood pumping. I love hearing them, I love sharing them, I love piecing them together… I love how Jesus works so miraculously right under our noses and we so often miss it, but when we don’t… it’s a really cool thing to watch unfold. So I will be updating you guys after she comes so you can know if she does, in fact, come on my dad’s bday or if it ends up being the day after when I’m actually induced. Either way, it’s been a really cool ride and I’m excited that you guys have gotten to see little glimpses of it here and there!
5. We have been slowly telling people over the last couples weeks that I am pregnant with our second little Fothergill. Yes, this is our first online posting about it. A little nontraditional, but we are both okay with that. The very first story in this series (at the very bottom) talks about the story of getting pregnant with Grayson, and how it was divine intervention. Well, this one is going to be the story of how we got pregnant with baby number 2! Well, not how because no one wants to know that ;-), but the way God was working to make it happen perfectly. As I mentioned in Grayson’s story, it’s hard for a wedding photographer to have a baby. Brides often book about a year in advance, and as we all know, having a baby takes 9 months. So, we try to plan it, but planning when to get pregnant is like planning when to get your first gray hair. You just can’t plan it. So, we just hope and pray that when we do get pregnant, we don’t have to refund thousands of dollars. It was January 2018 when Dustin came to me and said he would like to start trying for our second. Grayson wasn’t quite one yet, and I was still nursing him. After a night of sleeping on it, I decided it was time. If we wanted children close in age, it needed to be time. So, we stopped all methods of birth control. I counted out the weeks to when we would have the baby based on when we would get pregnant, and over the next 11 months, there were definitely months that were more ideal than others. In fact, the months that I would be due in April, May and June were STRONGLY avoided because in that time frame, I have 14 weddings booked. Could you imagine refunding 14 weddings? It makes me nauseous just thinking about it. Getting pregnant in April or May, however, would make me due in February or March, which is a timeframe I could work with. April and May came and went with no pregnancy. Then, somewhere around July, I noticed a huge decrease in inquiries. I thought, “What in the world??? I had a steady flow of bookings happening, and now, it’s been crickets for weeks.” When I Googled myself (because that’s what all business owners do when something seems weird), I had completely disappeared from Google search results. I was so confused. How am I just gone? Not only am I gone from page 1, but I’m not on page 2…3…30. That’s when I stopped looking. I reached out to an SEO professional I know. He said this happens occasionally, that he would look into it, and it’s usually a quick fix. A month went by, and I heard nothing from him. Crickets. So, I reached out again and still heard nothing. A month later in September I started getting inquiries again. I Googled myself again, and there I was. Page 2 this time, but I was totally okay with that, since I was at least showing up. It turns out that disappearing from Google for the months of July and August really limited my bookings for July and August of 2019 because, like I said before, brides book about a year out. I didn’t really understand this when it first happened. Then, I started calculating when I would be due if we got pregnant in October or November, and it started to make sense. Getting pregnant in November would mean I would be due at the end of July, which would LITERALLY be perfect. I then realized it was the Lord controlling all this. So, I told Dustin, “I think we are going to get pregnant in November.” He said, “Why? Because that’s our first vacation with the two of us and no kids?” as he chuckled at his little innuendo joke. I honestly hadn’t even thought of that yet. To summarize, not only did the Lord clear my schedule for the due date, but He also provided for the time that we needed to get pregnant with a free trip (thank you to Dustin’s fabulous employer) to Marco Island just the two of us for 5 days. Those 5 days landed right in the middle of my cycle (I know that’s too much information, but hey, it works how it works and that’s a key part of it). It has been so cool to see the Lord’s timing and how He laid out all these little details. I LOVE putting the puzzle pieces together. Now, for a little twist. As if He hadn’t done enough already. When we went to our first ultrasound, the tech said that I was measuring 5 days further along than I thought I was, but that it’s close enough to just stick to my original due date, which is July 29th. I didn’t think much of this until a couple weeks later, standing in our bathroom curling my hair, and I started bawling. A due date 5 days earlier would be my dad’s birthday. So, there’s that. Insert “mind blown emoji” right about here.
6. This is one of my favorite stories. If you know any nonbelievers, send them here to read this and ask them to explain this any other way than Jesus. So, my dad died by suicide. He left one letter, and it was addressed to my stepmom. He had one sentence in it talking to his kids, and it was telling Laurie (stepmom) to be strong and be there for me, Leah, and Brad because we were going to have a hard time with this. That was it. I spent days and weeks following his death searching for his letter to me. I thought for sure that he dropped mine in the mail, and it was going to arrive a few days after his death. When it didn’t, I thought for sure he hid it around our house. I looked everywhere. Every day it seems I would think of a new place it could be, and every day I would have such a heavy sadness when I saw it wasn’t there. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t leave me a letter even if it were just to say, “I love you, and I’m sorry.” How hard would that be? For months after his death, I was so bitter about the fact that he didn’t feel it was important to leave me a letter before he left this earth forever. One day, I was talking to my cousin (more like a sister) about this bitterness in my heart. She asked me one important question. Have you prayed for it? I was immediately defensive when she asked that question. Of course I haven’t prayed for a letter. He’s gone now. Jesus can’t just make a letter appear if there’s not one to appear. Can I just tell you friends that “Jesus can’t” is never a phrase that should be spoken or thought. Jesus ALWAYS can. She continued to encourage me to pray for my letter and told me that she would pray for me to have the letter, too. In the back of my mind I knew I should do this, but my flesh was still resisting because I had been let down time after time after time going to search for this stupid letter around my house. I had become comfortable being angry about it. The next day I’m trying to put Grayson to sleep. He’s laying in his crib, and I’m sitting in the glider we have in the nursery in the darkness waiting for him to fall asleep. I start scrolling through Facebook trying to pass the time, and for some reason I get the urge to clean out the Notes app on my phone. I had accumulated over 50 notes and didn’t need half of them. They are in chronological order to start at the bottom where the oldest is. I find saved messages from Dustin at the very bottom that I start reading through. They tickle my heart and bring a smile to my face. I hadn’t read them in so so long. I make my way up the list, and I get to a work out regime that I had saved and done a few times. Then, the next one is labeled “Sometimes” as the title in the summary page of the notes app. I looked at it strangely. What is this? Here is what it read:

   Sometimes

   Sometimes I sit and think of you and who you are today.

   Sometimes I am amazed at what God created, my Amanda May.

   Sometimes I look out into the unknown and a smile sneaks on my face.

   Sometimes I think that you are the perfect example of God’s Holy Grace.

   Sometimes I think of when you move on and how sad I will be.

   Sometimes I pray that God will reveal all that he wants you to see.

   Sometimes I think of how much I love you and that comes from the heart.

   Sometimes I reflect on all that I have sown and you are the greatest part.

   Sometimes I hope that you will always know that I will always be there.

   Sometimes you may have to remember that dad will always care.

   Sometime when this life is over and we are united in heaven above.

   Then and only then we will realize the true meaning of LOVE !!!             

              Love you so much !

                           Dad.

   I added the bold places to point out just how intricately this letter answered all my grievances and prayers so exactly. What’s really crazy is that I do not remember ever reading this before. It was marked as last saved in 2012 onto my iPhone, but I have no memory of reading this before. I feel so embarrassed that I underestimated our holy, powerful, amazing, almighty Creator, but I’m so thankful that He loves me so much that He forgave me for this fleshly sin and met my needs anyway. I’m also so so thankful for my cousin who reminded me to pray for things that require miracles because it is amazing experiencing the miraculous power of Jesus.

7. If you read the post about my dad, I think I already talked about this there, but I want to keep it here, too, because it is such a powerful Jesus story. My dad was dealing with depression in his last few months of life. A very real and awful flare up that ultimately took his life. Just two short weeks before Grayson was born, my dad was able to come to church with Dustin and me. He hadn’t been to church in so long, and he was desperately seeking out Jesus in every way he could possibly find. During the worship section of the service, he lifted his hands in the air and started crying and praying. I specifically remember this because seconds later, he reached his hand over to my belly and prayed for Grayson and me. (This moment and the story below about my kidney stone were the only two moments in my life that my father laid hands on me and prayed out loud specifically for me). The song that was playing was What a Beautiful Name by Hillsong Worship. After he finished praying, we got into such a tight hug and just cried together. It was a beautiful moment that has ended up being one of my fondest memories with my dad. Because of this moment, I asked to have this song played at his funeral where I would end up standing and leading the whole entire crowd in an act of worship as we sang along at my dad’s funeral. In the days and weeks following his funeral, I would hear this song come on randomly ALL the time. You may be thinking, “Well, that’s not a big deal. That song was super popular.” But oh, friends. It is a big deal. I literally never left the house in those weeks because I was only 2 weeks removed from having a baby, and I wasn’t working again yet. So, there were very very few opportunities for me to hear this song naturally. But I did. Every single time I was around a radio it seemed to be playing. Fast forward a couple months later, and Dustin and I are dedicating Grayson at church. At the end of the dedication, our pastor called all of our friends and family up to the altar to pray with us as we committed to raising our child in a Biblical way. After that prayer was over, the worship team plays one last song before the sermon begins. You know what song it was? That’s right, you guessed it. What a Beautiful Name by Hillsong Worship. That day we left church, and I shared about this happening. Chuck, our worship leader, commented on the post to make it even more evident that Jesus was purposely showing me Himself as he said that those were the only two times that they had ever played that song during worship. There’s one other time this song really stood out to me. Exactly one month and one day before my dad’s birthday I was shooting a wedding at Hunter Valley Farm. It was for a couple that so intimately shines the light of Jesus. For some reason that whole day my dad was on my mind. I couldn’t stop reminiscing about him. Even while I was shooting, which I never do, but he just kept creeping into my thoughts. Finally, when it was time for the ceremony, the officiant says that the couple wanted to sing two worship songs as part of their commitment to one another in marriage. The first song was What a Beautiful Name by Hillsong Worship. Amazing, right?
8. In 2015, my dad had a horrible plane crash. Before you start thinking that my dad was a pilot, it was a paraplane that he was flying. See the image below for what a paraplane is. He had flown them since 2000 and had never gotten into an accident. Not even close. Well, at my little sister’s graduation party, he had the paraplane out. He took it up by himself and decided it was far too windy to be flying it. So, he landed it and told all the people that he wasn’t going to take it up again unless the wind died down. There were lots of people there that were dying to go up in it and had been waiting for this party to have their opportunity. So, they kept asking him, “What about now? What about now?” Finally, an hour or so later, he thought it would be okay. He noticed that the wind had died down and strapped in his first passenger, Patrick. All the ladies were gathered around the pool. I was in the driveway playing corn hole with a little girl, and I heard the engine fire up. He drove it down through the yard and got the parachute in the air like he normally did. He started back towards the house for the official take off just like he normally did. I heard the engine getting closer and closer, and he was almost to the side of the driveway before he lifted into the air which was WAY not normal. Patrick was on the back with his phone recording the ground when my dad took the brunt of plowing straight into the side of a big tree and nose-diving to the ground. I remember the sounds like they happened yesterday. That engine roaring overhead. That gigantic tree branch snapping like a twig. The contraption smacking the ground so hard. I just knew my dad was dead. Everyone started sprinting to the crash. My husband Dustin jumped the fence like a gazelle and was the first on the site. Another guy behind me dialed 911, and all I could think to do was drop to my knees and pray. The little girl I was playing corn hole with came over to me as I hit my knees, and I reached out, grabbed her hands, and asked her to pray with me. My mind was racing with all these thoughts flooding my brain, but I couldn’t think of the words to pray. All I wanted to do was scream and cry. In a split second, I felt the Holy Spirit give me words. I started repeating, “pump his blood, beat his heart, fill his lungs,” over and over as I looked up to heaven. Holding this little girls hands because I knew that “where two or more gather in His name, there He is with them” -Matthew 18:20. So, here’s the crazy Jesus part. Remember me telling you that Dustin was first on the site? When he got to my dad, my dad was slouched over, completely unconscious, and almost completely unable to breathe. Dustin describes that moment as feeling like he was watching my dad take his last breath. Seconds later after everyone else had arrived to him, he all of a sudden takes a deep gasping breath in like he just popped his head up from being underwater for minutes. Later on, the paramedics tell us that it was in that moment that his collapsed lung re-inflated enabling him to breathe and ultimately survive. Remember those words that the Holy Spirit gave me to pray? Yeah. Talk about prayers being answered instantly. I think that is honestly the only time in my entire life that I’ve ever prayed something and God immediately answered it.
9. Back in 2012, I was in graduate school at UT, and I lived in my dad’s pool house. One night I felt like I was starting to get a urinary tract infection. So much so that I actually bought some medicine and cranberry juice for it. I had just laid down to go to sleep when an excruciating pain started happening in my kidney (although, I had no idea it was my kidney at the time). I went into my dad’s house literally hobbling on one leg because I couldn’t even stand on the other leg from the pain. I was hunched over unable to stand up and trying really hard not to cry. I laid down on their couch with a heating pad, and my stepmom gave me a pain pill. The pain was getting worse with every passing second until finally, my stepmom said she was taking me to the hospital. She went to get dressed, and my dad came over and put his hands on my kidney. My eyes were shut with tears streaming down my face, and when I felt his touch, I opened my eyes to see him praying. I immediately thought, “what the heck, Amanda. Why didn’t you think of that?!” and started praying with him. Laurie came back in the room, and we loaded up in the car to head to the ER. While we were on our way, I could already start feeling the pain ease. I still wanted to go to the hospital to make sure I wasn’t dying, but by the time we got there, I only felt the remnants of the torture, much like a bone bruise. The doctor took a scan that showed that I had passed a kidney stone. He asked me how long I was feeling the intense pain, and I told him just about an hour with probably 30 minutes of excruciating pain. He quickly laughed and said he had seen it all now. The fastest passing kidney stone in history. Most kidney stones take hours upon hours to pass with some even taking days to pass. Thank you, Jesus, for answering my dad’s prayer so quickly.
10. Getting pregnant can be such a sensitive topic, and I want to share my story of Jesus’ grace as Dustin and I decided to start a family. Please know I am treading this water carefully and cautiously. I know so so so many ladies who are struggling to get pregnant and who are struggling to stay pregnant. My heart and my prayers are with you, ladies. There are going to be two sub-stories within this overarching story. One of Dustin’s and my personal life, and one from my business. When Dustin and I got married, we were in mutual agreement that we were waiting for about 5 years to have a baby. We wanted to travel, buy a home, have as many date nights as possible, stay up late, grow my photography business so I could go full time, move cities, and so much more. About 2-2.5 years into our marriage, Dustin said he was ready for a baby. I pumped the breaks hard and told him that I wasn’t even close to being ready. For almost a year, he would subtly remind me that he was ready whenever I was. Then, we went to one of our community group meetings. Nothing out of the ordinary. The same meetings with the same people we went to every week. Only the topic at hand this particular night was prayer. Someone brought up how important they thought it was to pray for our children or our future children. I had honestly never thought about it until that moment. I instantly felt guilty. “Why have I not thought to pray for my children?!?!” That night I started. It was almost instantaneous that I felt a pull on my heart that the Lord had started towards motherhood. I can’t say that I was thrilled about it. I was kind of fighting, denying, and resisting it actually, but it was there. The next day I told Dustin that I wanted to stop taking the pill (this is around January) just in case we decided to get pregnant that year. At this point, I was full time in wedding photography, so we Googled it and decided that getting pregnant in either May, June, or July would be best for my schedule. I still wasn’t 100% on board, but looking back now I know the Lord was telling me I was ready even though I refused to believe it. I was so excited about growing my photography business that I didn’t want it to be true. If I got pregnant and had a baby, all of my hard work over the past 7 months would be for nothing. It would all come to a screeching halt. As the months passed and we approached May, I still had not booked any spring weddings the next year. I was starting to panic (as every photographer does when they look to their year ahead). I was questioning whether I should have gone full time. Why was I not booking anything? My first one wasn’t until June, and how could we go 6 months without a second income?! So, I continued to pray about it as the Lord showed me He wasn’t allowing my schedule to fill up because maybe, just maybe, I would have a baby then. When May rolled around, I was terrified. Neither of us had ever tried to get pregnant before. We didn’t have ovulation tests, didn’t know the best methods, and didn’t eat any foods that would make us more fertile. We just sat down, prayed together, and jumped in the deep end without our floaties. We told two sets of friends that we were trying. One because we were going camping with them, and I would be having lemonade instead of wine, which would have been a dead giveaway. The other because they are parents to two toddlers, and I desperately needed someone to talk to who had done this recently. Over the next month, I kept telling Dustin that I just feel a little weird. It’s impossible to describe, but I just felt different. I thought I was pregnant, but we were certain that it would not happen the first time. I mean, c’mon. It doesn’t happen the first try for anyone nowadays. Over the course of May, I started getting inquiry after inquiry after inquiry for the following January-May. I thought it was so bizarre that I had had none, and now, there were 6. Every single one of them wanted to meet for more info on booking with me. I told each of them I would LOVE to do your wedding, but my husband and I are trying to get pregnant. If I do get pregnant, I might have a baby and be on maternity leave during the time of your wedding. We should know something in the next month or two if they want to wait, but I also understood if they needed to move on and reserve a photographer. After all, the longer they waited on me, the less likely someone else they like will be available. Every single one of them said they wanted to wait. What?! I was floored. Jesus knew that if these ladies had inquired with me before Dustin and I started trying, I would have taken them on, and then, pushed having a baby to the next year because (in the words of the Grinch), “My shedule wouldn’t allow it” (misspelling intended). So, as the weeks passed, I was super busy. I had several trips to Nashville that month, a trip to NC, and my sister-in-law’s wedding in Bowling Green, KY that was a full weekend event. I really didn’t have time to think about whether or not I was pregnant. At the end of the month, I took a pregnancy test, and it was negative. It was right at the 4-week mark though so it was kind of too early to tell. I told myself as I waited 90 seconds for the – or + to show up that regardless I’m fine. If I am, I’ll be excited, and if I’m not, I’ll just keep focusing on my business. It’ll be great. Then, the negative sign showed up, and I was crushed. I was also confused as to why I was so disappointed. I wasn’t even positive that I wanted this to happen in the first place. I should be happy that it’s negative, but I was so so sad. A week later was Father’s Day. I was driving home from Nashville, Dustin was in Somerset, and I called one of our friends to chat while I was on the road. She got so excited as I was trying to describe some of the feelings I was having and told me I needed to pull over to take a pregnancy test right now! She didn’t know that I had taken one a week ago, and it was negative. I told her she was crazy, and that I can just wait till I got home. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to know right then. How was I being so patient? I just couldn’t stand the thought of seeing another negative sign. 2.5 hours later I pulled into the driveway. Unloaded aaaaaalll the bags that come with being a wedding photographer, went upstairs to change clothes so I could meet my dad for a Father’s Day lunch, and last minute decided to pee on my other pregnancy stick. My heart was racing. My hands were clammy. I remember it like it was yesterday. I put the cap back on the end, sat it down, and started getting my things together to go have lunch. That 90 seconds crept by so slowly. I pretended like I didn’t care and wasn’t anxious to see the results, but really, I was counting every millisecond in my head. I took a load to the car, came back in, walked upstairs, and looked. It was positive. I found out that I was pregnant on Father’s Day. I was trembling with excitement (and I’m literally shaking now as I recount this memory). It felt so right and so in the Lord’s timing. This was supposed to happen this way. Dustin was still out of town so I drove straight over to one of our friends’ houses, and with tears in my eyes, I popped my head out of the car and looked at her. She saw my facial expression and knew. “No way! No WAY! NO WAY!!!!!” she screamed as she ran over to hug me so tight. I celebrated for 5 minutes, and then, I had to go meet my dad. How in the world was I going to keep this from him?!?! But I had to. Obviously, I had to tell Dustin first, and Dustin wasn’t getting home for hours. Since it was Father’s Day, I decided to go on a little shopping trip after lunch to get some Father’s Day things to spring on Dustin as I told him that we were having a baby. Fast forward a few weeks. I go to the doctor to confirm everything is good. I take a trip to London, England. When we got back, I contact the brides that were getting married the following spring. I was able to photograph 5 out of 6 of them based on the due date my doctor had given me. I communicated that with them, and all 5 hired me to photograph their wedding! My spring was full, and we weren’t going to have 6 months with no income. Praise Jesus for always providing. Always knowing. But it gets even crazier. Halfway through my pregnancy, two of those 5 weddings got canceled. One was a late April wedding, and one was an early May wedding. I was so bummed. I hardly ever get cancellations, and now, there were two back to back weddings in a time that we were really going to need income to pay doctor bills. But the Lord knew, you guys. Grayson ended up coming a week late and was born on March 1st. I took a little bit longer to heal than I expected and fell so deeply in love with this baby that I couldn’t imagine leaving him in April for an entire wedding day. I also nursed and had a low supply with zero milk stashed in the freezer for being able to leave him for an entire wedding day. I would have absolutely dreaded that April wedding had it occurred, and the early May wedding was an overnighter in Lexington, KY. It ended up being rescheduled to a weekday in late May and was one of the prettiest little intimate weddings I’ve ever photographed. Again, such a blessing. In my head, it was all falling apart and such a disaster when they canceled, but the Lord knew what I needed before I did. I hope so bad that this can be an encouraging story for you in a time that you may think it’s all falling apart.
11. Dustin’s work offers a fall trip every year to the top salesmen in the company. This past year (2022), the trip was to Arizona and just so happened to be over a Saturday that I had a wedding booked. There are two tiers of people that get to attend these trips and they are described as 300 club or president’s club. President’s club is the top 2-3 salesmen from each division and 300 club is everyone else that is there. President’s club gets an even more special trip with extra days at the end when everyone else leaves, an extra activity, a special gift (this year was fancy, expensive sunglasses), and an upgraded room at the resort. Well, in 2022, Dustin got president’s club. The trip was from Nov 2-6 and my wedding was Nov 5. Not only did I have a wedding on the 5th but it was a catholic wedding which meant an earlier ceremony time which meant I had to be there at 8am. Believe it or not, there are not a ton of flights from Knoxville to Pheonix, so the only way for me to make it back on time was to come back on the 4th… 2 days early. I’m not going to lie, I was really sad about it. I had to miss the fancy dinner night where Dustin gets to walk out on stage and normally I escort him and everyone applauds and there are awards handed out and the ultimate prestigious jacket award and it’s just a whole thing. It probably sounds weird to you guys, but if you work at this company, this dinner is a BIG DEAL. But, I had responsibilities that were booked and paid for well before we knew the dates of this trip and I love my job and my couples and I also could not miss the wedding that I had already booked. I scheduled the latest possible flight out of Arizona which was suppose to put me back in Knoxville at 10pm. We don’t fly super regularly, but definitely more than the average person and we don’t really experience that many delays or cancellations. Which I know is wild considering the state of the airlines in this current season. I was sure that it would be fine… and it was, but only by the grace of God and some divine intervention. So let’s begin. I showed up to the airport with plenty of time to get through security and find my gate. As I approached my gate, I see “DELAY” written really big on the screen. My heart starts to race a little bit. I see that our flight is 30 minutes delayed. If all things went perfectly, my layover in TX was 1 hour, but now that layover time had been cut by 30 minutes. I went to the desk and started chatting with some of the airline peeps. Soooooo do you think 30 minutes is enough time for me to make my connection in Dallas? The lady looked at her computer to see what gate we were supposed to land at vs. the gate of where my connection was leaving from. They were in different wings of the airport. She told me that she would scoot my seat up as close to the front of the plane as possible and told me to stand up as soon as the plane landed and try to get as close to the exit door as possible and then run and pray. Oh good. That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. But it was possible, so I wasn’t totally falling apart yet. She proceeded to tell me that the delay was because of some Tornado weather in TX so as soon as it cleared up, we’d be on our way. So I took a seat. I watched as ticket holder after ticket holder approached the desk to make other arrangements as more and more connections began being missed. I kept hearing the attendants say “the flight is full, I’m sorry, we are on max capacity”. There were dozens of people on standby and they were asking people to volunteer to take a later flight to free up more room on this flight. The 30 minute delay comes and it goes. We are now approaching a 1 hour delay. My heart is starting to race at this point. I start looking up other flights from Dallas to Knoxville. Other flights from Pheonix to Knoxville. Rental car options and how long it would take me to drive from TX to TN. I looked at other airlines, red eyes, trains, literally anything I could think of. The next earliest time of me arriving into Knoxville was 10 am the day of the wedding. I started making other arrangements for my second shooter to get there earlier, my mom to meet me at the airport with my equipment and a change of clothes. But as I sat there researching and calling and trying to find other ways, I began to have an actual panic attack. I can’t say that I have ever had one of these before, but my body was freezing while my face was bright red and so hot and embarrassingly sweaty. I was having to intentionally take deep breaths because it felt like there was not enough oxygen getting to my brain. And then this random woman, really tall with bright blonde hair and the brightest blue eyes sits her backpack in the chair beside me and said something that I didn’t hear because my hearing was like I was underwater and the noise of the airport was both muffled and deafening all at the same time. I remember glancing up to her and trying to force myself to smile and I think I may have nodded an acknowledgement to whatever she said. She rummaged through her bag and then looked me dead in the eye and said “God is good, He’s got this.” I guess she could see the panic on my face as much as I was trying to hide it. I think she thought that I was panicking about the tornadoes maybe… she never asked me what it was triggering but rather sat down beside me and distracted me with her angelic voice. She told me she was an olympic trainer in New Zeland and was here visiting her daughter state side. That she, in fact, had three daughters and one was flying back to New Zeland with her for the first time in over a decade. Her life was so intriguing and distracted me from the chaos happening in my head. She was so joyful. So bright and light and like the Holy Spirit was using her to pull me out of my spiral just enough to remember to pray. She asked me about my kids and when I showed her a picture just gushed over the season of life I was in and how precious my kiddos are. How she remembered being in my shoes just yesterday and now hers are all grown, married, and have kids of their own. We finally began to board…now 1.5 hours passed our original boarding time. If you recall earlier, I mentioned that the flight was full. They had merged our flight and the flight after ours into one flight and there were lots and lots and lots of people on standby trying to get on a plane to TX. We boarded. I was two rows behind first class, in the middle seat, and the aisle seat beside me remained open. People passed my row over and over and over again. But the flight is definitely full… how is there a seat open beside me? Meanwhile I’m praying so hard… please GOD help me get back to Knoxville before 8am in the morning. please please please God. I need a miracle. I started talking to the other aisle seaters around me. When we land, do you care if I scoot up to the front? I have to make a connection that may or may not be already gone by the time we land but I have to try. It’s an emergency and I have to get to my final destination, PLEASE can I cut in front of you to exit more quickly?? Well… apparently all the people in the aisle seats around me had the same issue. Making short connections. We were all in the same boat. We were all freaking out just a little bit. The seat beside me was still empty when the pilot came over the intercom to tell us they had to work something out in the system because the copilot never showed up and they are trying to get another copilot assigned to the flight so we could finally leave. His exact words were I know this should be simple, but there’s a bunch of red tape to jump through to switch pilots right before take off and we’re trying but it may or may not happen. GGRREEAAAAT, another obstacle. Finally, two more people get on the plane, one dressed like a pilot but moving to the rear of the plane and the other sits right beside me. He introduces himself and as we begin talking I learn that he is also a pilot in training. He had just spent the last 4 months in training and was headed home to see his wife in TX. The woman with blonde hair from New Zeland and this young man in the seat beside me were literally hand picked by God to help me not completely lose my mind. The pilot started opening up apps on his phone. Lots and lots of flight apps. Some exclusive to pilots, some not. All of them helpful though as he looked at where the plane that I was connecting to was coming from. It was coming from Mexico. And this storm that had delayed us in TX had come up from Mexico, so you know what other flight was also delayed? The one bringing the plane that was supposed to be taking me from TX to Knoxville. He reassured me that I was not totally in the clear because they could always switch planes and take a different one, but if they stuck to the original plan, that flight being delayed would mean that my flight to Knoxville would also be delayed which would mean that there is still a chance I could make my connection. wow. seriously, wow. After another 45 minutes sitting in the airplane, attached to the jet bridge, we finally started backing out and was in the air 2.5 ish hours our original departure time. The whole flight the pilot beside me was distracting me with positive thinking and stories about his wife and dog. He showed me pictures and asked about my job and my family. He shared his wedding photos with me and talking about flight school. When we landed he immediately turned his phone on and checked my connection. We were now arriving at a gate that was two gates down from my connecting gate. I was no longer going to have to run through the airport to get to another wing. Same wing, two numbers down, with a bathroom across the hall. AND a convenient store because amidst this whole chaotic situation, I hadn’t eaten since noon and it was now 10pm. I got some crackers and cheese, used the bathroom, and went to my super close gate that said boarding at 10:45 pm. I had 30 minutes to spare you guys that I got to just chill. If I had been in more athletic clothing I probably would have tried to find a hidden spot to do a workout because I was so tense my shoulders were up in my ears.  As I was standing there, I saw a familiar looking guy in front of me. I inched to the side and low and behold it was one of my grooms that I just photographed a couple months earlier. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT??!?!?! There were WAY too many coincidences of the right people at the right time to not make this into a God story. Chatting with him brought my nerves down to a normal level and I know longer felt like my heart was pounding out of my chest. My face wasn’t sweaty anymore and we did in fact board around 11pm and I landed in Knoxville at 3am eastern time. Thank you JESUS for getting me home. Thank you for letting me make the entire wedding and thank you for showing up like you do every single time. 

I’m a Knoxville Wedding Photographer that loves to travel… I shoot anywhere! If you have any questions about pricing or booking with me, click here to contact me now! If you liked what you saw above, go ahead and follow me on Facebook or Instagram to see my daily updates of the latest sessions!

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